FLAWESOME

You may not be straight

You may not be gay

You may not be coloured

You may not be grey

You may not be wealthy

You may not be cold

You may not be meek

You may not be bold

You may not be abused

You may not be the same

You may not be crazy

You may not be to blame

What you CAN really be

If it is not just awesome

Embracing your flaws

Being imperfectly FLAWESOME.

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I tried my best.

All these years I thought that I had done a darned good thing,

Striving to be on top of it all, even though we had nothing,

Of trying to be the best daughter, wife and mum.

Only to learn that all I caused was heartache tears and glum.

Coz as a kid being abused made me extra insecure and emotional,

Overly Protective of my own kids which at that time I thought rational.

Trying to keep them near to me and on their doings a motherly eye,

Years later to find out that, they felt imprisoned and their childhood a terrible lie.

Knowing that I am the cause of so much bottled up hate,

Even of a child who stammers and becoz of me can’t even find a date.

No family, friend or anyone did I ever had to speak.

I grew up to be Scared, scarred afraid and really meek.

Holding on to my children back then seemed like I was protecting them from the world.

Only to learn now that I was smothering them and making them hard and cold.

I guess working from home to be with my kids and mother wasn’t the wisest thing to do.

Working round the clock even when I was the sole earning member too.

Most times shit hit the fan with my husband and my mother,

Their constant exchange of heated words to rile one another.

Like a volcano I would errupt and shout till my nerves did show.

Was the screams of the child in me, just wanting to let it all go.

Little did I know I passed the same feeling down to my own precious kids.

The feeling of frustration, pain all with their bottled up lids.

As it was easily said that if over my emotions I would have had some control,

Would have changed the past somehow and not let the wasted years take its toll.

All my life I’ve had no regrets right up untill this week,

Maybe I should have just died back then when that monster made me meek.

It would have saved my kids and me a lot of bother,

If only they had gotten a more perfect and better mother.

Too late now to change everything that’s foregone

I have to live out the rest of my life just wishing I wasn’t born.

I hope someday my kids think of me with feelings of love and care.

All the simple good and fun times, I tried my best to share.

My heart is so heavy now, so burdened do I feel.

It’s going to take my entire lifetime, with all this to deal.

I hope someday my children know how very much I love them,

I have been living my dreams and seeing life through each of them.

My heart wants nothing of earth’s wealth and measures,

It will always carry my children who are my biggest treasures.

My first ebook of poems.

Please do check it out at Amazon/kindle, as this is my first book of poems out. Show some love people. 

The friendly hand behind the trigger.

I’m sure many of us have been through times where this has happened. We are betrayed by someone we once trusted and believed in, and that we thought trusted and believed in us. Then we find out later that this person WE would have literally taken a bullet for, is the one standing behind the trigger. Betrayal by anyone we once cared about is one of the most heartbreaking things to recover from. It becomes even harder, when that person goes on to do all they can to slander you and try to paint a picture of you that couldn’t be farther from the truth of who you are. First and foremost, you have to accept the fact that you can’t control the lies other people will tell about you, and the more you try to, the more frustrated you will become. Remember that the only thing you do control is how you react to their lies. Don’t ever stoop to their level. As long as you know God knows you, then you don’t need to worry about anyone else’s opinion of you because God is the only one with a perfect knowledge of who you are and what you’ve done…everyone else is just guessing on hearsay. God is the only one equipped to pass righteous judgement on you and thank heavens for that! One great lesson that we can learn from the unfair treatment we receive from others, and that is: Never allow yourself to judge someone else by the negative opinion of others! Recognize how horrible it made YOU feel when someone judged you unfairly or when believed the  slander about you. When you hear someone spreading lies or sharing mean gossip about someone else, stop yourself from taking their word for it. Always remember that you shouldn’t believe the unkind things you hear about someone are true just because someone with venom toward them said they are.

“What’s that?… You heard a bunch of stories about me? From someone who hates me….Go figure.”
Never look down on someone, only God sits that high.

Quote #37

I may appear normal

My feelings hardly show

It takes tremendous effort

To put on an outward glow

It took me years of practice

To build a wall around my heart

Never more insecure or vulnerable

The new me, a brand new start.

Which One word describes your writing style?

I think this is a fun way to get to know all the fellow bloggers on our list. Which ONE word describes your writing style.

Mine is 💞IMPROMPTU💞

Shaz xoxo

Life blown away.🍃

Life is so fleeting

It goes by so fast

Here one minute

Then it’s your last

Dreams left unfulfilled

Things left to do

When that last breath

Is all that’s left in you

A fraction of a second

Your life flashes by

Gone into oblivion

Ends with just a sigh

Becoming a memory 

Of a person that was

Numbness left behind

In deaths cold claws

A vacuum that is deep

Nothing can ever fill

There is only so much

You can cry until

You meet beyond yonder

Where, there is no strife

Above the clouds somewhere

Just everlasting life

Each day that goes by 

There’s nothing you can do

Only time Inching closer

To being forever with you.

(Dedicated to my little 24 year old friend who became an Angel today,  04-09-2018)

©️Shaz xoxo

Bubbles of life.☯️

Like bubbles we float higher and higher everyday, waiting for that inevitable moment, when we fade away and become one with the universe, knowing there were no could’ves, should’ves, would’ves or regrets, as we travel through the time, we took for granted. So, before you burst out of your shell and blend in with the stars, make sure you do, see and say all that you have been longing to accomplish. Empty your bucket list of dreams and cherish every precious memory you make along the way. Before you yourself become a memory. Leave behind you, a trail, of your well spent life, that is etched deep in the hearts of your loved ones left behind. When your name echoes, bringing smiles of remembrance and stories of you to be told, for generations to come. 

©️Shaz xoxo

Writing is art from the heart.

Writing is adventurous

Writing is fun

Writing is serious

Writing is glum

Writing is mayhem

Writing is peace

Writing is high strung

Writing is release

Writing is heaven

Writing is hell

Writing is sick

Writing is well

Writing is everything

You want it to be

Writing just writing

Fills you with glee.

(Writing is art from the heart.)

©️Shaz xoxo

Blank pages.

Every blank page,

Is a story untold,

Of every bane or boon,

Yet to unfold,

filling up quickly,

Just a few pages left,

You have to try,

To better your best,

Cram a lot in,

And give it your all

Until the last page,

Your final curtain call.